I fought a vending machine today and lost. It took my yen. It mocked me with its blinking lights. I just wanted a hot corn soup! Is that too much to ask from the universe? I stood there in my perfectly tailored vintage slacks and yelled at a metal box for five minutes. An old man walked by and just shook his head. Yes, oji-san, I am a disgrace!
I have achieved god status at the local arcade. The teenagers fear me. They tremble before my retro-American might! I speak fluent Japanese but I threw in a “Yeehaw” just to confuse them. They scattered like roaches! HAH! I rule this neon kingdom! But then I went outside and it was snowing and I realized I have to go back to my unheated box. My kingdom for a space heater. Seriously. Help.