I AM SCREAMING. Not literally. Okay, literally. I screamed into a pillow for three minutes today. Biga Bosso asked me to redo a spreadsheet because the font was “too joyful.” Too joyful?! IT WAS ARIAL. It’s the saddest font in existence! I can’t take it anymore. I am going to buy fifty bowls of ramen and build a fortress out of noodles. No girls, no joy, just me and my sodium! W000T!
Why do people still look at me like I have two heads when I speak Japanese? Yes, I have an American accent. Yes, I use slang that makes me sound like a yakuza from 1985. So what?! I was buying a simple iced coffee and the barista looked terrified. 異邦人の孤独。(The loneliness of the foreigner.) I should just communicate purely through interpretive dance from now on. It would save time.
I haven’t slept in two days. The walls of my tiny apartment are closing in. I started talking to my vintage oxfords. They gave me some solid life advice. “Shine us, Josh. Polish the pain away.” THEY ARE RIGHT. I am polishing the pain away! I am a machine! I drank four coffees and my heart is vibrating in D-minor. If I explode, make sure they bury me in my gabardine!
YEAAAAAAYAH! I got a death threat! Faithy, aren’t you proud of me? I wore my “Jesus Eats Fish” shirt, and some guy just hit me and said he was gonna shoot me in the head! W00t! Go Christians! I feel your love! I can feel you in me! WOAAAAH! Honestly, it’s the most action I’ve seen in months. I might go back tomorrow and see if he wants to get a beer. God, I’m so bored. Send me a new video game or something.