NO SLEEP.
Staring at the ceiling at 3 AM. The insomnia is back and it brought friends. My life feels like a train that derailed years ago and I’m just sitting in the wreckage waiting for a conductor.
Heaven
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SAD GEEK.
I beat another game. YAY. It’s not filling the void, folks. The void is deep and it smells like stale ramen. I miss when I had ambition. Now, my only ambition is to find a heater that doesn’t cost an arm and a leg. Maybe I should learn a new language? No, I’m already fluent in two and look where it got me. Nowhere.
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VENDING.
I fought a vending machine today and lost. It took my yen. It mocked me with its blinking lights. I just wanted a hot corn soup! Is that too much to ask from the universe? I stood there in my perfectly tailored vintage slacks and yelled at a metal box for five minutes. An old man walked by and just shook his head. Yes, oji-san, I am a disgrace!
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NOODLES.
Solo ramen. Again. The guy behind the counter knows my order now. We don’t speak. He just nods, I nod. It’s the most intimate relationship I have in my life right now. 夜の静けさが腹に染みる。(The silence of the night seeps into my stomach.) I am a profound, hungry poet. A gorgeous, lonely poet. I am going to buy a cat. No, my apartment doesn’t allow cats. I’ll buy a tamagotchi. Watch it die. *sigh*