I have achieved god status at the local arcade. The teenagers fear me. They tremble before my retro-American might! I speak fluent Japanese but I threw in a “Yeehaw” just to confuse them. They scattered like roaches! HAH! I rule this neon kingdom! But then I went outside and it was snowing and I realized I have to go back to my unheated box. My kingdom for a space heater. Seriously. Help.
Merry Christmas! I’m stuck on a damn train. DAMN TRAIN! DAMN AIRPORT VAN! Everyone looks so depressed. I’m wearing a vintage red tie, trying to bring the cheer, but these people are vampires. Energy vampires! Biga Bosso gave us a “holiday bonus” which was literally just him not yelling at us for ten minutes. W00T! Best boss ever! I’m going home to talk to my laptop. Don’t contradict me! *smack!*
I miss American vintage shops. I miss them so much it physically hurts my soul. The stuff here is either made for ants or costs more than my yearly salary. Where are the high-waisted trousers? Where are the gabardine jackets? I dress like a king and I have nowhere to go but a neon-lit arcade and my freezing apartment. 孤独な王は玉座を持たない。 (The lonely king has no throne.) Bam! Poetry! Now I’m gonna go eat a convenience store egg sandwich and cry.
WHY IS IT STILL HOT. IT IS OCTOBER. My apartment is a sauna. I am a roasted peanut. I am a salty, sweating, 1950s gentleman who is melting into a tatami mat. Biga Bosso made me work until 11 PM. I am running on fumes and Pocari Sweat. If I die here, please tell my vintage suit collection that I loved them. *sobs into a towel* I need a vacation. I need an air conditioner. I need a miracle.